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2019年7月26日星期五

Sri Lankans: Making a Stranger Feel Like Family

dome in sri lanka
I didn’t know much about Sri Lanka before my visit. Most of what I knew was picked up via the news and a few blog posts written by friends. Sri Lanka was a blank slate I was eager to fill in.

I found Sri Lanka to be a nation of luscious jungles, epic waterfalls, stunning hikes, Tomb Raider-esque archeological ruins, ugly cities, and delicious food.

But the one thing that really stood out was the people.

I know, I know. What a cliché, right?!

It’s the most generic thing to say in travel. “The people in this destination were lovely and totally made the place.” Everyone always says that. (In fact, I find that 99% of the people I meet on the road are totally awesome.)

Sure, you’ll find that some cultures really are more outgoing and friendlier to strangers than others. But Sri Lankans stood out in a way I’ve never experienced before.

They are the first, second, third, and fourth things that come to mind when I remember my time in their country. I was amazed at how friendly, curious, and hospitable people were.

As a traveler, although you want to be open to experiences with everyone, you also have to keep a wary eye out in order to make sure you aren’t getting scammed or put in a dangerous situation. There’s a lot of “gut-checking” on the road.

Take, for example, tuk-tuk drivers. Having spent a lot of time in Southeast Asia, I’m used to dealing with tuk-tuk drivers who badger you for a ride and constantly try to rip you off or take you to shops where they receive kickbacks if you make a purchase.

In contrast, throughout Sri Lanka, I found tuk-tuk driver after tuk-tuk driver would slow down, ask if I wanted a ride, and then, when I said no, wish me a good day and drive off. No badgering! (OK, a tiny bit in Colombo, but that was mild when compared to other countries.)

Moreover, I found the tuk-tuk drivers to be honest brokers, giving me rates close to what guesthouse owners said they should be. (I never thought I would use the term “honest” and “tuk-tuk drivers” in the same sentence.)

Then there were the locals who would approach me near a tourist site or on the street. After years of travel, my initial thought when this happens is usually: “Here is yet someone else trying to sell me something.” As they started asking me about where I was from and how I liked their country, I was expecting them to get into “the sell,” but instead was shocked that they would then just wish me well and walk away.

Is this a trick? I thought.

Nope, they were simply interested in my experience of their country. It caught me off guard the first couple of times, but after a while, I relished each opportunity to meet someone new. Each day there would be countless interactions with people just happy to engage with a traveler.

There was the family I stayed with outside Sigiriya who frequently cooked me a traditional family dinner and provided me rides into town.

And there was the woman who owned the hostel in Kandy and gave me a big hug and a kiss and told me to come back…after staying only one night! (She also did this to the other guests who were checking out when I was.)

Also, there was the tour driver in Tissa who insisted on taking me out for beers to celebrate seeing a whole herd of elephants.

Friendly locals I met on the buses offered me food. One guy who felt so sorry that I had to stand up for six hours said, “I would give you my seat but I have a baby in my arms. I’m really sorry.” And he meant it. He really was sorry he couldn’t give me his seat. I mean, how many people would make that same offer in the US?

But there was one experience that taught me the most about Sri Lanka and its people.

Before I arrived, I exchanged emails with a girl who worked in Colombo; her dad was a Tamil journalist during the civil war and is now a member of parliament. “L” told me that she would be heading up to Jaffna to see her family and that I was welcome to join. I immediately said yes and changed my travel plans. This was a chance to meet some locals and get an insider perspective on the conflict that scarred the country for decades.

Sri Lanka is a divided country, with the south dominated by Buddhist Sinhalese and the north by Hindu Tamils. After the British left the country in 1948, the Sinhalese controlled the government and enacted a series of laws that limited Tamil participation in Sri Lankan society. Eventually Tamil protests turned violent and a 26-year civil war ensued (ending in 2009).

with friendly guide on boat in sri lanka

Waking up early one day, I met L and her mother and we drove to Jaffna, the major town in the Tamil north and the scene of a lot of destruction during the civil war. In the countryside outside town, I couldn’t help but notice how barren the land was. There was little grass around, and many houses had been abandoned and left to ruins. At various spots along the way, they explained that this once-fertile land was destroyed during the war and that many Tamils fled. (In fact, despite the war being long over, there are still over 90,000 displaced Tamils in refugee camps.)

“Are those people over there rebuilding the houses?” I asked.

“That’s the army building houses, but probably not for Tamils.”

“How come this area hasn’t been rebuilt?”

“Well, many people have left or were killed, and those who remain don’t have the money. Plus, a lot of the records were destroyed, so not many people can prove their house is really theirs.”

I persisted with my litany of questions. “How come this area seems so underdeveloped compared to the rest? Hasn’t there been a plan to rebuild?”

“The scars of the war are still here. For close to 30 years, we didn’t have access to the outside world, and no, the government isn’t really putting funds into development. We have an uneasy truce.”

Afterwards, we went to L’s family’s newspaper, Uthayan, where we waited for the editor. This newspaper was the only Tamil news organization to survive the war. The government tried to shut it down many times, but it managed to live on. In the main room, you could see bullet holes from attacks, ruined computers, and graphic pictures of the journalists who lost their lives in paramilitary attacks. There was a wall dedicated to those who are missing — and probably dead.

“Are things better now?” I asked the editor.

“Sure. The fighting has stopped, but that doesn’t mean everything is normal. It is still the same military leaders and government officials in power. But things are moving in the right direction.”

“Did you support the Tigers?” I asked him. The Tamil Tigers were a student organization that turned from resistance fighters to terrorist group. Their defeat was what helped end the civil war.

“The Tigers might have started with good intentions, but in the end they became as bad as the government and alienated the population they sought to support. So no, I did not.”

L and the editor gave me a tour of the newspaper, showing more relics of raids, introducing me to staff and editors who also worked throughout the war. The building, like the land we saw before, bore the scars of war. It was an eye opening experienced seeing the area and learning about the conflict and how it still affects the people of the region.

****As I took the bus to the airport and got ready to leave Sri Lanka, my mind kept going back to its people. Regardless of where I was and who I spoke to, I was welcomed with open arms, treated as family and with kindness.

As I took the bus to the airport and got ready to leave Sri Lanka, my mind kept going back to its people. Regardless of where I was and who I spoke to, I was welcomed with open arms, treated as family and with kindness.

Sri Lanka was better than I could have imagined it, not because of all the beautiful sites and fun activities but because the people made this stranger feel at home.

2019年7月25日星期四

Too Many Places: Overcoming the Paradox of Choice

A man staring out of an airport window looking at airplanes
“Where should I go?” is a question I frequently ask myself.

Wanting to escape the oppressive summer heat of Austin in August, I’ve spent the last few months staring at a map, unable answer that very question. I toyed with the idea of heading to Madagascar, Hawaii, Malta, Kenya, the Caribbean, the Maldives, Dubai, or Sri Lanka.

And, because I couldn’t choose and was so afraid to commit, it wasn’t until this week I finally decided — just weeks before I wanted to go. (More on that later.)

Why?

I was suffering from what psychologists call “choice overload.”

Whether we have two weeks, two months, or two years, deciding where to go is the hardest part about travel. Once you have the time, picking the destination becomes a task of whittling down a long list of “must-see” destinations.

When people are faced with too many options, they are sometimes so paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice that they don’t make any choice.

Think of standing in the cereal aisle. We have all these options right in front of us, but we keep going back to our old favorite, Fruity Pebbles. (Or, Cinnamon Toast Crunch if we’re feeling crazy!)

We may want to try something new, but we can’t figure out what we want the most — there are just too many options! How do we choose? How do we know we won’t make the wrong choice? So, paralyzed with indecision, we go back to what we know. And, if we don’t have a favorite, often we just choose what is popular and familiar to our mind (Cheerios).

In psychology, this is called “analysis paralysis.” Contemplating our options becomes such a taxing mental burden that we don’t make a decision. Our minds want shortcuts. It’s how we process all the information thrown at us each day. It’s too difficult to think about every simple decision all the time. Going with what you know and is familiar is how we shortcut our analysis paralysis. (This is all explained in the 2004 book The Paradox of Choice, which I highly recommend reading!)

Think of the world as the proverbial cereal aisle. We’re looking forward to picking a cereal (a destination), but suddenly realize we have too many options. Faced with so many choices and without a strong opinion (e.g., I really want to go to Thailand this fall!), we stare blankly, wondering if picking a destination is the right choice, so we end up (a) fretting about it for months like I did, missing flight deals and precious planning time or (b) end up with what is big, popular, and familiar (let’s visit Paris for the tenth time!).

I often get so paralyzed by choice that I don’t book a trip until the last minute, and even then, I often suffer from buyer’s remorse. Did I really want to book that flight to Dubai? Or should I have gone to Madagascar instead? If I do this trip, will I have time to visit Peru later this year, or should I just go to Peru now?

Last week, after months of fretting, I finally bit the bullet and booked tickets to Dubai, the Maldives, and Sri Lanka. I’m beyond thrilled (especially for Sri Lanka) but in the back of my mind I still find myself thinking, “Is 15 days really enough to enjoy Sri Lanka? Maybe I should go somewhere else until I can spend more time there!”

Of course, when I get to the destination — any destination — all of that second-guessing melts away and I have the time of my life.

If you’re a long-term traveler, you can go anywhere for as long as you want. But when you only have a limited amount of time — because you’re like me and slowing down, or because you just have a few weeks off from work and need to make the most of them — you have to be more selective.

So how do you narrow down your destinations, get on with your trip planning, and not suffer the anxiety that comes with choice overload?

This experience has given me a new philosophy on trip planning. I’ve changed how I decide on destinations:

First, embrace the variety. You’re always going to be overwhelmed by choice. There will always be more destinations to visit than you have time to see. The list of places to visit will only get longer the more you travel, not shorter. Don’t fight it. Recognize it, but don’t let it control you.

Second, start with list of ten places you want to go right now. Come up with the destinations that are at the top of your mind. This year, now that I am taking fewer trips, I want my trips to be to places I’ve never been and are as culturally different as possible, so I came up with the list at the top of this blog (yes, I know not all of the places are culturally different from each other!).

Third, figure out when you can go and how long you have. For me, since I was only going in August, I knew I had exactly a month (since I have to be stateside for weddings in September and October).

Fourth, think of the time of year. Which country has the weather you want to enjoy the most? I’m trying to escape the heat of inland Austin, so I wanted beaches. I crossed Hawaii and the Caribbean off the list, but I still wanted something beachy and adventurous. The Maldives and Sri Lanka may be hot, but they have beaches!

Fifth, make the length of your travels proportional to the size of the country. I didn’t want to attempt to visit large countries like India, Brazil, or China when I have just a few weeks. I wanted to see smaller destinations that I could explore more in depth during a shorter period of time. By this point I knew I was down to using Dubai as a hub and finding destinations from there.

Finally, look up flights. From Dubai, it was $1,700 USD to Madagascar but $400 to the Maldives, and $0 to get to and from Sri Lanka, thanks to airline miles. I didn’t have enough points to fly on the African carriers I wanted (I burned 100K United points last month on other flights — whoops!) so Madagascar and Kenya were out of the question. That left the Maldives and Sri Lanka as the best places to visit from Dubai.

And, with that, where I’m going was settled.

Once I stopped letting too much choice keep me from making a decision and after logically going through my checklist, I stopped hemming and hawing about where I wanted to go, found my destinations, booked my trip, and got on with getting excited about visiting new places.

Overcoming choice overload in travel is about first realizing that there will always be more places to visit than you have time, then figuring out what destinations fit what you can do right now. Once you start with your list of destinations, getting down to the perfect one becomes a process of elimination.

I know many of you suffer from the same problem I do (your emails to me are proof), and I hope you use this advice to overcome choice overload.

Because there will always be too many destinations to choose from and too little time to see them in.

Photographer Nigel Barker on His Love of Travel

Below, Barker shares a few thoughts on his travel style and most memorable destinations. Read on, then click through the slideshow above to see some of Barker's favorite photographs from his trips.

Mother Country

Last year I took my family to Sri Lanka, where my mother is from. It’s one of those extraordinary places where in a day you can drive from the mountains to the beach to a rain forest, where you've got leopards and sloth bears and elephants. It’s funny—we have Sri Lankan blood running through our veins, but you don’t necessarily identify with a place until you’re there and a part of you says, Oh, you’re home.

Home Team

I have all these cheesy routines when I travel. My seven-year-old daughter always hides a teddy bear or something in my bag. I carry a little leather frame with pictures of my family that I put by the bed. And I carry a container for cuff links with the word studs on top that was given to me by my grandfather. I think having these very personal things are a way of grounding yourself and realizing why you’re working so hard.

Urban Escape

I’m often shooting in chaotic places like Miami or London, so I look for a hotel that feels like an oasis. The best environment for me is a blank canvas. If I’m going to go back to my room to edit film, I love it if the color palette isn’t jarring. I’m the global brand ambassador for AC Hotels, and that’s a big part of who they are—the aesthetic is very calming.

Style File

I try to be organized when I fly. I have a Smythson travel wallet; it’s very large, and it has all these leather dividers for documents, passport, money—all that. I've had it for years, and I use it religiously.

Southern Comfort

One of my favorite places in the world is Point Clear, Alabama. It’s all hundred-year-old houses and beautiful oak trees with Spanish moss. We stay in the same house year after year. It’s on the Gulf of Mexico, and the sun sets right on our doorstep. You can just sit and watch the pelicans scooping into the water. It’s a true getaway.

Souvenir Stories

Our house is decorated with things from our travels—rugs and lanterns from Morocco, painted elephants from India, glass from Venice. I like to find out what the place is famous for and then go and get the best example of that. And no matter where I am, I will track down a Christmas decoration from that part of the world for my wife. So it’s like a United Nations Christmas tree every year.