Keeping the Relationship Spark Alive on the Road

Posted: 07/22/2019 | July 22nd, 2019

This is a guest post by Ant, who used to blog at Positive World Travel, a travel blog that focused on couples travel tips. Their blog is no longer in existence.

When traveling the world as a couple, there can come a time when your relationship “spark” loses some its brightness. While exploring new cultures and racing around the world, it‘s easy for your relationship to fall to the wayside or end up in a rut.

I’m talking from experience.

Our relationship has become boring and mundane a few times, but we‘ve found many ways to keep igniting the flame over and over again. The important thing is to try and keep your relationship as fresh and as exciting as the countries you‘re visiting.

Here are a 6 ways Elise and I have found to keep our relationship interesting while we travel the world:

1. Organize a Date Night

As corny as it might sound, going out on an actual “date” can do wonders for your relationship. It can get monotonous sightseeing, eating cheap meals, or cooking your own food day in and day out, so making time for a special night can be something to look forward to.

Elise and I plan a date night every two weeks. We spend a little extra money, go to a nice restaurant, and dress up as best we can. We spend that night not talking about our website or what we did that day but rather talking with one another, putting our dream caps on, and playing the “what if” game.

Elise loves to chat about our eventual wedding, and even though it can drive me crazy at times (I never knew you could talk so much about floral arrangements!), date nights are a great way to share and chat about her — err, I mean our — dream wedding.

Date nights give you the opportunity to listen and reconnect with one another outside the traveling experience.

2. Be Spontaneous

Traveling as a couple can take its toll on each of you, and this tip is one of our key ingredients to success. Elise likes our travels to be somewhat planned, and I try and mix things up and be spontaneous, which keeps her thinking because she doesn‘t know what I have planned next.

If you have extra time in the city you‘re in, head out for the day and just act on a whim. Do activities you hadn’t considered before. Try some romantic activities like booking a massage together. Or try something more fun and unconventional when traveling, such as seeing a movie or going bowling.

Traveling doesn‘t always have to be about sightseeing. You can spend time doing “normal” activities that you did back home, too.

3. Embrace Celebrations

Even while traveling, celebrating birthdays and anniversaries is important to any relationship. It doesn’t matter if you‘re in the middle of nowhere, because the fact that you‘ll go to a little extra effort and get creative will always make your partner happy.

Once when we were camping, it was Elise’s birthday and we were far from any nice restaurants. So, the morning of her birthday, I woke up early to blow up 23 balloons and then gently placed them throughout our tent. I woke her up to an out-of-tune singing birthday candle and a dry piece of cake I found at a corner store the day before. She was delighted that I had gone to the trouble of making her birthday a little special even though we were camping.

We spent the rest of the day at a deserted beach, and Elise says that it was one of her best birthdays ever.

4. Plan Surprises

Even though you‘re traveling on a limited budget, a surprise every now and again will always excite your better half. Elise knows that I‘m a sucker for dark chocolate, and I always get excited when she‘s been out to run some errands and jumps on the bed with both hands behind her back when she gets home. I love that she thinks of me while she‘s out. It brings joy to our relationship.

Try to surprise each other with little touches here and there. Even a small gesture can work wonders.

5. Face Your Fears Together

Doing activities that one or both of you have a fear of can bring you together and bond you. Sharing a fear and overcoming it will definitely bring the spark back and a sense of achievement for you both.

Elise has a small fear of heights, and she has regularly pushed herself to confront this fear over the past 18 months. She has jumped out of planes and off cliffs into fast-flowing rivers. Each time she faces this fear I get so proud of her and it deepens my love for her.

Supporting your partner and giving them the encouragement they need to face their fears or overcoming them together is an instant bonding moment shared between the two of you and only strengthens your relationship.

6. Get Intimate

It has to be noted that sex is an important part of every relationship, and when you’re not having any, you‘re bound to be fighting more. Traveling in dirty environments and staying in shared accommodation can be a dampener to sexual relations. Finding time for a romp when there are train schedules to work out, long and sweaty bus rides to take, or a day battling annoying touts can be difficult.

Spending a little extra money from time to time and staying in a private room is the best way to find some alone time, as having sex in hostels can be quite tricky otherwise. Elise and I do this from time to time to make sure we can have intimate moments together. It’s worth the extra time and money. Trust me.

***
Even couples that have been together for years and years all need to take time out every now and again to make sure the spark is still there. The most important tip is to work out what works for you as a couple. Elise and I always make sure we not only have time for long-term travel and all that entails but also for making our relationship work on the road and keeping the spark alive.

Even couples that have been together for years and years all need to take time out every now and again to make sure the spark is still there. The most important tip is to work out what works for you as a couple. Elise and I always make sure we not only have time for long-term travel and all that entails but also for making our relationship work on the road and keeping the spark alive.

Ant is one half of the dynamic duo who used to blog at Positive World Travel. They wrote about their experiences and thoughts on what long-term travel is like as a couple, though they no longer blog.

Book Your Trip: Logistical Tips and Tricks

Book Your Flight
Find a cheap flight by using Skyscanner or Momondo. They are my two favorite search engines because they search websites and airlines around the globe so you always know no stone is left unturned.

Book Your Accommodation
You can book your hostel with Hostelworld as they have the largest inventory. If you want to stay somewhere other than a hostel, use Booking.com as they consistently return the cheapest rates for guesthouses and cheap hotels. I use them all the time.

Don’t Forget Travel Insurance
Travel insurance will protect you against illness, injury, theft, and cancellations. It’s comprehensive protection in case anything goes wrong. I never go on a trip without it as I’ve had to use it many times in the past. I’ve been using World Nomads for ten years. My favorite companies that offer the best service and value are:

• World Nomads (for everyone below 70)
• Insure My Trip (for those over 70)

Looking for the best companies to save money with?
Check out my resource page for the best companies to use when you travel! I list all the ones I use to save money when I travel – and that will save you time and money too!

How Couples Can Cope with Fights on the Roads

Posted: 05/26/2011 | May 26th, 2011

This is a guest post by Ant, one half of Positive World Travel.

Elise and I fight. A lot.

It’s usually about petty things that don’t really matter, but in the heat of the moment, sometimes even the smallest issues get blown out of proportion.

It’s the stupid stuff, like where we should go next or what we should see. We argue about food a lot, too. Elise is always hungry and needs to eat throughout the day, whereas I can last all day on one big meal. And our filming often causes disagreements; we don’t always share the same “vision.”

Spending 24 hours a day, seven days a week with someone is bound to take its toll at some point or another. It’s normal. In all honesty, I would be more worried about our relationship if we didn’t fight after spending this much time together.

Our fights typically occur on travel days, when one of us is either tired, hungry (mostly Elise!), or fed up with the day. Traveling 18–24 hours on buses, trains, or planes hardly brings the best out in anyone. The snapping begins over something trivial (like what taxi to catch), and before you know it we’re fighting about how Elise never listens or how I never understand her feelings.

One classic fight that should have earned us a spot on Jerry Springer happened when we were traveling from Kathmandu to Chitwan in Nepal. Chitwan is only 150km away from Nepal’s capital, but the road conditions are really poor, so we were on a cramped minibus for about eight hours.

As soon as we got off the bus, Elise started complaining about how she had a sore neck and just needed a sleep and a shower. I, on the other hand, was feeling pretty good. The motion sickness tablets I had taken knocked me out during the trip, and I had managed to grab some sleep on the bus.

That’s when the bickering started.

We snapped at each other about the best way to reach our guesthouse, what guesthouse we were going to stay at, and how long we would be staying there. We bickered the whole time until we found a place to stay. As soon as we were in our room, things got worse. The fighting eventually escalated until I went for a walk and Elise had a sleep.

When I came back from my walk, the fight started again. This time it was about how I never put my toothbrush or contact lens solution in the right spot and how Elise can never remember where she keeps things in her backpack.

The fight continued for another several minutes, and we began to pick on issues totally unrelated to the original topic. When does a fight ever stay on topic anyway? You always end up fighting about irrelevant issues. You say things you’ll regret later and don’t even really mean in the first place.

With tears in Elise’s eyes and I so exhausted by the whole argument, we had to make a choice: either continue fighting or come to our senses.

I told Elise we both needed to calm down and look at what we were fighting about. What was the root of the argument? Nothing but a bumpy bus ride.

I think Elise was just as relieved as I was to end the fight, and we ended up talking about ways we can resolve these conflicts and stop them from happening in the future.

How to Resolve Conflicts
The thing with fighting on the road is that the arguments take on a different form than the fights you have at home. At home, there are distractions like friends and work to keep your mind off the argument. When traveling, however, there’s no escape. You have to talk about how you feel or what’s bothering you and come to a resolution.

What works really well for us is having a “word.” One word that you can both use if you think the other person is picking a fight for the sake of it. You both have to like this agreement. You can’t abuse the word and say it whenever you want just to shut your partner up. It has to work for both of you.

This approach has really saved us and prevented a lot of fights from starting. For instance, if Elise is complaining about how long we’ve been walking or how hungry she is, it tends to get on my nerves. I’ll make comments back to her that can be a little heated, and Elise will simply use the word. It snaps me straight back into line. Even though it may sound silly to act so quickly on one little word, it really does help us to prevent situations from spiraling out of control. I realize that what I’m saying is unnecessary. Problem solved. Fight avoided. Happy days.

Honesty is another important part of a relationship that can help resolve conflicts. Not being afraid to express how you feel is so important during an argument. You have to be able to listen to each other’s point of view and take both criticism and advice to heart.

Arguments are no different than a disease, and prevention is always better than a cure.

After 16 months on the road, we, as a couple, have pretty much figured out how to avoid the bigger arguments. We still bicker a lot, but it’s never anything as serious as the fight in Nepal. We are now conscious of what can set each other off and always try to minimize those actions before they escalate out of control.

Traveling lets us work together in stressful situations and solve problems, but it also allows us to learn how to prevent arguments. The latter is the most challenging thing about traveling as a couple by far, but I think we are slowly mastering it.

Anthony is one half of the dynamic duo at Positive World Travel. Both he and Elise will be writing about their experiences and thoughts on what long-term travel is like as a couple. You can also follow them on Facebook for more of their travel updates.

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