Why I'm Moving to Sweden, Trust, and Practicing What I Preach

Posted: 02/21/2012 | February 21st, 2012

I poke. I push. I prod. I try to get people out of their cubicles and traveling the world. That’s what I do. That’s my thing. I show others that traveling doesn’t have to be expensive, that anyone can do it, and that your fears are unfounded. I try to be a living example of that. Judging by the emails I get from people, I think I’m successful at getting people onto airplanes and into the world.

But last month, I faced a fork in the road about what to do when my trip ends: do I move to New York City right away or do I move to Sweden for six months? Once you go down a path, there’s no turning back, and I was very torn on what to choose.

But I decided to choose Sweden.

The guiding principle in my life is no regrets. I don’t want to be on my deathbed saying, “I wish I did…” and I think that if I didn’t move to Sweden, I’d always regret it. I’d always wonder what might have been. What would life have been like if just for a moment I finally got to live in Europe? What possibilities and opportunities did I pass up?

So in July, I’ll be getting on a plane to Stockholm, where I’ll stay until January >when my book is released. I’d leave sooner, but I have some conferences and plans in the United States that I need to attend in the meantime.

As I lay awake one night, I realized that if I didn’t move to Sweden, not only would I regret it, but I’d also be a hypocrite. After all, instead of facing my fears and reservations, I’d be taking the easy road. New York is easy. I know it, I’ve lived there, I have friends there. I don’t need to worry about visas, languages, or anything else. New York would be the easy, comfortable choice.

Instead of breaking out of my comfort zone, I’d be staying firmly in it. And if I did that, how could I ever again tell people to break out of their own comfort zones?

All you have to judge me by are the blogs I write and the information I share. Based on what I present, you decide if I’m trustworthy enough to listen to. I trust Trey Radcliff when it comes to photography because of his amazing photos, the fact that he only promotes the products he would actually use, and the people and news sources that vouch for him. I trust he knows what he is talking about.

And trust is the currency of the Internet.

I can’t tell people to conquer their fears, live their dreams, and travel the world if I won’t even do that for myself. With so many sketchy websites these days, trust is in short supply. All you have online is your credibility.

So late at night, I thought about all the emails I get from the people who have told me I’ve inspired them to take a trip. I thought about all the messages from the people whose fears I’ve helped vanquish. I thought of all the people who told me a blog post was exactly what they needed.

And then I thought about how deep down I knew I wanted to move to Sweden. There was nothing I wanted more. I want to learn the language, eat the food, meet the people, and explore the countryside. New York can wait six months. I’ll miss it, but it will always be there. Yet if there was no doubt in my mind, how come there was doubt in my mind?

Because I was too scared to make the leap and commit. It was easier to stay in my comfort zone. It always is. But I realized that I’ve helped so many people take a deep breath, close their eyes, and just go for it that not doing it when it came for my own turn would make me a hypocrite.

And that realization removed my doubt and made me commit.

And so in July, I’ll move to Sweden. It may be great. It may be awful. I may come home early or I may stay forever. But at the very least I’ll have practiced what I preached. I can wake up every day knowing that I did what I tell others to do: I seized the day, conquered my fears, and leaped into the unknown.

Because if I didn’t do that, I’d be a hypocrite.

And I’d never be able to look at myself the same way again.

10 Common Fears That Stop You from Traveling Solo

Posted: 11/12/2014 | November 12th, 2014

On the second Wednesday of the month, Kristin Addis from Be My Travel Muse writes a column featuring tips and advice on solo female travel. It’s not a topic I can cover and, since there’s a lot of female travelers out there, I felt it was important to bring in an expert. Traveling solo can be scary, but traveling solo as a woman comes with its own particular set of concerns. This is Kristin’s column this month.

If you had asked me five years ago if I would ever travel alone, I would have immediately said, “No way. That can’t be safe, it must be lonely, and I’d get so bored.” Before I started traveling, I was scared of even the idea of eating dinner alone!

Then I started to realize that solo travel is not something people do just because they can’t find a friend to go with — it’s because they got tired of waiting for the perfect companion and just went. Then, as they find out there are many personal benefits to it, it typically becomes the preferred mode of travel.

However, before that happens, the biggest hurdle is getting over the fear: fear of being alone, unsafe, bored, and scared. I’ve experienced all those fears and talked to many potential travelers who have, too. Fear can hold a lot of people back. The following 10 fears are common reasons female travelers tend to stay at home and why those fears are unfounded.

Is solo traveling even safe?

Yes, absolutely. Safety should always be at the top of your mind, but the ways to combat this fear are to be prepared, to be aware, and to be smart. You have survived on the earth this long because you have figured out how to keep yourself out of deadly situations. Keep doing that when you travel.

Traveling is just like being at home: you have to understand your surroundings and act accordingly. Adapt as much as possible by doing research on what to wear, how to carry yourself, and what is acceptable behavior. You already know the obvious stuff like not being flashy and not getting too intoxicated. There’s no magic formula apart from being aware of and respecting your surroundings.

Really? It can be safe even for a single female?

Yes, with the right preparation and understanding of the culture and your surroundings, even traveling in India as a solo female can be safe. As female travelers, we have to be aware of more issues and concerns, but we have to do the same anywhere in the world. Keep your head about you, follow cultural norms, and be alert. Every day millions of women travel the world alone. You’re just as capable as they are.

What if my friends and family don’t approve?

Your loved ones might worry about you. It would be completely understandable if one or a few weren’t entirely supportive, but they do this because they love you, and given this fact, they want you to be happy.

I didn’t tell anyone about my desire to travel for almost a year. It ate me up inside because I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to handle it without the approval of people whose opinions meant a lot to me. It turns out I could have told them from the beginning, because they were surprisingly all very supportive.

Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly, suggests keeping a physical list of a small handful of people whose opinions really matter. These people should be those who love you unconditionally, like family and best friends.

Ask them to trust your intelligence and ability to strike out on your own, and assure them that you’ve done your research and you are able to keep yourself out of obvious harm.

As for the rest, there are always naysayers. Everyone else with a negative opinion doesn’t need to be considered.

Won’t I be lonely?

This was my biggest fear. After asking my friends, cousin, mere acquaintances, and just about anyone, really, to join me, I realized that nobody else was at a stage in their lives to travel long-term. If I waited for someone to join me, I might end up waiting forever.

Then my first night in Bangkok, I ate dinner with people I met at a hostel. Five days later I was biking around Angkor Wat in Cambodia with five new friends.

The fact is that you will meet people — a great many people — on the road. It will happen all the time. Promise!

Matt has written about how to make friends on the road and overcome being alone.

But I’m kind of the shy type.

I used to be kind of shy and awkward, but I’m happy to say solo traveling has really helped that. The first time I really tried to be outgoing was when I walked up to a the only table with an empty chair in Laos and asked if I could join. Everyone eagerly welcomed me and it made me realize that making friends really is that easy on the road.

Most people have some element of shyness to overcome. Even if you think you’re shy and awkward, you’ll learn to lose it over time because travelers are friendly. Often, you won’t even have to be the one to start the conversation.

Many of us are also solo, and for this reason are typically very easy to meet and are open to interactions with new people. Traveling is a great way to get over shyness, even if taking baby steps.

As Matt has written, it’s do or die on the road, and because you want to make friends and not be alone, you’ll find yourself making small talk to people and that can lead to great friendships and new travel partners.

Won’t I get bored?

If you’re traveling you will suffer from very little boredom. Even a long bus journey will be stimulating because of random things like stopping for emergency jackfruit, on-bus buskers, and a chicken or two, from time to time.

You won’t be starved for adventure if you’re really putting yourself out there, trying new foods, going new places, and taking local transport. In fact, you may schedule in days specifically meant for lounging inside just because you’ve been having so much fun that you need a break.

But isn’t it preferable not to travel alone, if possible?

No way! Would you believe me if I told you that I far prefer solo traveling to group or tour travel? It’s something absolutely everyone should do in life. For the first time you have complete freedom and can do anything and everything you feel like doing, and nobody is around to say no.

It also increases your problem solving ability because you can’t pass off responsibility when things go wrong. It creates independence because you figure nearly everything out on your own, and it cultivates fearlessness because you realize what you’re capable of. I could go on for hours on this topic alone.

Traveling solo also allows you to be who you really are, without the judgment and outside influences of friends or family. As famed travel writer William Least Heat-Moon said, “When you’re traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don’t have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.”

Besides, you’ll find travel buddies along the way as well.

What if I’m not brave enough for all of that?

You can still travel solo. Ease into it with a tour if you want, so that you can get used to your new surroundings before breaking off from the pack, or start off with a group of friends. Plenty of people do that and eventually decide to travel solo once they realize how much freedom it will give them.

People are adaptable, we really are. You can do it. At least trust your abilities enough to try.

What if I get homesick?

Homesickness is unavoidable, and you will have down days on the road just like you did at home. Traveling is not a magic pill that fixes everything. That doesn’t exist. There’s nothing wrong with going home but everyone gets a little homesick. Have regular Skype calls with your friends and family and take photos with you to help ease the homesickness.

However, don’t forget why you went traveling in the first place. You wanted to see new places, try new things, and meet new people. It was meant to be different and far away.

Being homesick is just a temporary bump in the road. You’ll go back home eventually, and everything will still be there more or less as it was. Sometimes, traveling helps us appreciate home all that much more.

What if I come home early because I run out of money/miss someone/(insert reason here)?

You can avoid running out of money by planning ahead and earning on the road. Matt’s gone into great detail on how to save, how to budget, and what kind of jobs travelers can get abroad.

As for missing people, give yourself a chance to be independent. Naturally you’ll miss people, but deciding to be present and appreciating what you’re experiencing goes a long way toward making it through these tough periods.

Lastly, if you do come home earlier than planned, at least you made it out there and got a taste of how the traveling lifestyle can be. You can then more intelligently begin again if you want to return to it, or conversely feel confident that you already did all that you wanted.

Making a big life change is almost always scary, but it’s also exciting because of the new beginnings that await you. Traveling, particularly solo, is one of the most incredible gifts we can give ourselves in life. Solo female travel isn’t anything to be scared of. Don’t let fear hold you back from living your dreams.

Kristin Addis is a solo female travel expert who inspires women to travel the world in an authentic and adventurous way. A former investment banker who sold all of her belongings and left California in 2012, Kristin has solo traveled the world for over four years, covering every continent (except for Antarctica, but it’s on her list). There’s almost nothing she won’t try and almost nowhere she won’t explore. You can find more of her musings at Be My Travel Muse or on Instagram and Facebook.

Conquering Mountains: The Guide to Solo Female Travel

For a complete A-to-Z guide on solo female travel, check out Kristin’s new book, Conquering Mountains. Besides discussing many of the practical tips of preparing and planning your trip, the book addresses the fears, safety, and emotional concerns women have about traveling alone. It features over 20 interviews with other female travel writers and travelers. Click here to learn more about the book, how it can help you, and you can start reading it today!

How to Overcome Your Travel Fears in 7 Easy Steps

Updated: 5/29/18 | May 29th, 2018

Fear. It’s what often keeps us from living our lives and achieving our dreams.

And it is one of the most common reasons why people don’t travel.

Whenever I talk to people about long-term travel, so many tell me they wish they could do what I do. They tell me all their travel dreams and grand plans then when asked why they don’t pursue them, they come up with a plethora of excuses:

They fear not being able to afford the trip.
They fear they have too many responsibilities at home.
They fear they won’t be able to make friends on the road.
They fear not having the ability to handle it.
They fear something will happen to them.

With all that fear, it’s much easier to stay at home in our comfort zones than to break out and travel.

It’s a big thing to step out your door, away from your safety net, and into the known.

You may want to but the devil you know is always better than the devil you don’t.

Yes, travel is a privilege and there are real money issues that keep people at home.

But one of the most common emails I get is from people asking about “the mental issues” of travel. “The mindset stuff.” Do they quit their job and go for it? Are they in the right stage of life? Will everything be OK if they leave? Will they get a job when they return?

These emails are peppered with nervous excitement over travel’s endless possibilities, but there is also always one underlying tone to the emails: “Matt, I want to go, but I’m also afraid and I’m not sure what to do.”

While many people claim “real world responsibilities” are the reason for not traveling, I think fear of the unknown is really what holds people back the majority of people back. When you get rid of your fears and decide “Yes, I’m going to do this!”, you begin to find ways to scrape, save, find work, and do whatever it is that gets you on the road.

You become a person on a mission. You become driven. Nothing will get in your way.

But first, you need to get over any fear you might have. I was on a podcast recently discussing this subject and so it has come to the forefront of my mind again. Here is my advice on dealing with fear:

You aren’t the first person to travel abroad.
One of the things that comforted me when I began traveling was knowing that lots of other people traveled the world before me and ended up just fine. If some 18-year-old from England on a gap year came home in one piece, there was no reason I wouldn’t too. You aren’t the first person to leave home and explore the jungles of Asia. Columbus and Magellan had a reason to be afraid. You don’t.

There is a well-worn tourist trail out there. There are people to help you. There are people to travel with. You aren’t going to be alone.

And you aren’t venturing into the true unknown.

You made it this far.
If you already have one foot out the door, why turn back now? What will you regret later in life: that you let your fears keep you home, or that you went traveling? Sometimes you just have to go for it. Everything works out in the end. Don’t turn back halfway. You can do this!

You are just as capable as everyone else.
I’m smart, I’m capable, and I have common sense. If other people can travel the world, why can’t I? What makes me think I lack the skills? I realized that there was no reason I couldn’t do what these other people did. I was just as good as everyone else.

Don’t doubt yourself. You got by in your life just fine now. The same will be true when you travel. Moreover, now has never been an easier time to travel thanks to all the resources available online and all the sharing economy websites that help connect you with other travelers.

Responsibilities can vanish in a flash.
Everyone uses “responsibility” as the main reason to avoid travel. But that is just your fear telling you that you have things at home that can’t be let go of. However, those responsibilities are simply chains that hold you down. When I quit my job, I didn’t have to work anymore. When I canceled my bills, they disappeared. When I sold my car, the payments were gone. When I sold my stuff, I didn’t have any. We think this is all very complicated, but with a few phone calls, everything that held me back was gone, taken care of. Suddenly, my responsibilities disappeared. Vaporized. It is easier to cut the cord than you think.

You will find a job when you get home.
Another reason people get held back is the belief that when they go overseas, they will become unemployable. They worry that employers will see a gap in their résumé and not want to hire them. But in this globalized world, having experience with foreign cultures and people is a real asset. So is showing that you are independent, courageous, and capable. After all, no one makes it around the world without learning these skills. Employers realize this and now look at travel as a positive thing that teaches intangible personal skills no business school ever could.

Related articles:

You will make friends.
People always ask me how I make friends on the road. They tell me that they’re not very social and that it’s hard for them to meet strangers. The truth is that when you travel, you are never alone. There are many solo travelers out there in the same boat as you. You’ll find people who will come up and talk to you, even if you are too scared to go up to them. I used to be nervous talking to strangers, but the fear subsides as you eventually realize that everyone wants to make new friends. And one of those friends is you.

Related Articles:

You can always come back.
If you make it three months into your trip and decide that long-term travel isn’t for you, it’s perfectly OK to go home. There’s no shame in cutting your trip short. Maybe traveling isn’t for you, but you would never have known if you didn’t try. There’s no such thing as failure in the world of travel. Travel teaches us many things including, that sometimes, we don’t like to travel. Getting up and going is more than most people do, and if it isn’t for you, at least you tried. That in itself is a major accomplishment.

***

Fear is an element that affects everything we do. Yes, fear is a healthy biological response designed to make sure we don’t do foolish things. But, in many ways, fear is the reason why we never succeed. It’s scary leaving everything you know and heading off into the unknown. However, once you look at why you are afraid of doing it, you’ll realize there’s no reason to be. You can travel. You are capable. It’s not as hard as you think.

Don’t let fear win.

Note: This article was originally published in 2011 but redone and updated with new tips and links in 2018.